dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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