i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
