just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
