you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
