I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
