I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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