what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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