My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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