it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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