Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
