The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
