Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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