I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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