he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
