Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
