Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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