She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
