i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
