we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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