I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
