just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
