I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
