Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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