I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
