mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
