whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
