I am puke
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
