ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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