Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
