it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
