it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
