this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
