A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
