My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
