If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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