Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
