i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
