Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
