well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
