I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
