I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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