She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
