in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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