why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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