Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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