Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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