so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
