So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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