I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
