What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
