so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
