Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
